Hot Licks
Hot Licks
Saints proved their worth
NEW ORLEANS — There's nothing like a good month's sleep.
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Gwen Stefani: The Lion and The L.A.M.B. - An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters
Chief Crazy Captain Christo takes time out of his busy day after Halloween to reflect on just how awesome a girl like Gwen Stefani must be. She's a great singer, a mother, a wife, and a seamstress with her own clothing line. Hmmm.... the wheels in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's head start spinning out of control till he realizes the train has not left the station yet. 158 tunes must be written for a little girl before the big show. He has only one chance to reach a person with the stature of Gwen. So Chief Crazy Captain Christo does what any red blooded American male would do. He CREATES his opportunity to shine onstage with none other than Gwen Renee Stefani Rossdale. Here is his plan in a nutshell:
Now in order for Chief Crazy Captain Christo to pull off this daring display of unadulterated passion, extreme cooperation will be needed by all parties involved. So without further going into detail, the most important person for this project will be GWEN STEFANI. It is required of Gwen to be willing to make sure my girlfriend is onstage with me singing as well. So I am switching mode to the O-Range Blob of Light and transforming over to meet with Gwen Stefani right now. SKA Douche ( Kung Fu Panda!)
Half kind of expecting me, Gwen Stefani Rossdale meets me with these exact words. For this piece, Gwen is going by the name Gwest Ro
Gwest Ro. : " Don't Speak! Let me guess. You're the infamous no ones ever heard of before Chief Crazy Captain Christo!
O-Range Blob of Light- " What's a pretty L.A.M.B like you talking to a LION like me. I am hear to lay down some hot licks and you kind of need to understand why. OK first off, I need you Gwest Ro.
You are the perfect woman to help me pull this off. There is a little girl who will need our help in the future so as words from my past have often hinted ' The future's here we are it and we are on our own.'"
Gwest Ro- " Tight tune man! But in case you haven't noticed I have more of a funky ska thing going."
O-Range Blob of Light-" Yeah so what's your point. Love Angel Music Baby Lives In Our Nation.
I need you Mrs Rossdale to jam out around three to ten songs over the course of say the next thirty three years. If done right, you will end up being an Academy Award winning actress or songstress or seamstress or maybe even the first director duo to win for best director. The point I am trying to make
is this. Help me write and produce and record three songs and you will be able to write you own ticket to paradise. And seeing by the size of your family, you might need four tickets. With me tickets are expandable. So if you and Gavin feel the need to expand, so shall the Kingdom. Now what do you say Gwen. Or as Jack Sparrow might say, What say you Gwen?"
Gwest Ro-" Let me ask my husband Gavin tomorrow cause I think he's still trying to find his a**hole brother in L.A. Wow, you kind of caught me off guard there but it sounds like a cool idea. Your girlfriend must really trust you"
O-Range Blob of Light-" Yea we have a pretty cool trust thing going. We flipped a 50 cent piece and I won. Don't tell her that it was a two headed coin>).
Gwest Ro-" That's terrible! Hey can I borrow it. I want my husband to do a few things around the house while I'm gone!"
O-Range Blob of Light-" Yea sure! Here you go. And hey I hope you don't mind but I came up with a name for your movie studio if you go that route.
Gwest Ro- " Oh yeah what is it?
O-Range Blob of Light- " I'll tell you in January 2010 OK. Later Angel Momma Babe!"
Gwest Ro- " Hollaback in January 2010 or don't bother buddy!"
O-Range Blob of Light-" Oh hey can you stand one final request. Would you know how to get a hold of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models? You know like all of them. I've got a special video that has to do with airbrushing and I need their help as well." Gwest Ro just smiled and laughed rather loudly I can't wait to flip that coin! I love the Great Pumpkin and the Pumpkin Patch, don't you?
Stay tuned and find out in January 2010 what the name of the studio is going to be called. This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters
Many thanks for reading our Hot Licks article